Some of the random thoughts that occur to me while I'm sitting in Lagos traffic:
1. Why do recharge card sellers always come up to your car and slap their stupid cards against your window??? Dang homie, quit coming all up in my grill like that!! Trust me, I do not need your simple ass to remind me that I need to buy credit for my phone. If and when I need credit, I will beckon. Until then, back up off me!!!!!
2. If an okada man falls off his okada and there is no unfortunate motorist in the vicinity to blame it on, is it still an accident? Will all his okada gang members still swarm around the scene like angry bees or do they reserve that particular display of madness for "special occasions" only??
3. Why, when you are stopped at a traffic light, does the driver behind you insist on honking his horn like he doesn't know what a red light means?
4. Why do okadas, policemen and random passersby pound on your bonnet or doors like they contributed some money towards the cost of your vehicle? What I wouldnt give to fit my car with some kind of shock mechanism that is activated whenever someone bangs on my car with their fists. Now that would be cool!!
5. When traffic is backed up, why do some drivers veer into the opposite lane and zoom forwards as though those who are waiting patiently are jobless morons who left their homes with no clear agenda for the day??? Can't they see that they're just making the situation worse for everybody?!!
6. Why do newspaper vendors only ever thrust City People and other so-called soft sells in my face, but never Business Day od The Guardian? Could it possibly be because, gasp! I'm a woman??
7. Do those squeegee boys that insist on washing your windshield go to some school to learn how to irk the hell out of car drivers or do they just pick up the skill along the way? I actually once saw a guy get out of his car and start chasing one of these urchins down the road, after the boy had poured a bottle of dirty water on his windshield. And when he couldn't catch up with the boy, he resorted to throwing stones at him! Imagine a respectable man being reduced to such sport!! It was the funniest thing I'd seen in a long time! LOLLL!!!!!!!
Bottomline: being stuck in traffic can be an opportunity to exercise your deductive and/or inductive reasoning skills ;-) Watch out for more random musings in the near future!
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4 comments:
LOL. When you find the destructive turned innovative invention that sends electric current through human-beings who aimlessly bang on the hood and trunks of cars in traffic, PLEASE HOLLA AT A SISTA YO. I can market that thing exclusively to frustrated Nigerians and retire early. Win-win.
And what I would not give to see that grown man chasing one of the "clean your windshield with mud" boys...That must have been a priceless sight, init?
You must live in my head and scrupulously take notes then spew them out into a blog entry!!!!
I swear I want to smack those darn recharge card sellers. If I was a big strong man, i probably would but since i'm not then . . . .you and i can only dream and wait for that day when someone will SMACK them for us!!
My dear friend Mr Isho-giver says if he had a machine gun, he would "bust a cap in the ass" of any recharge card seller that slaps those stupid cards against his car window (well, maybe those weren't his exact words, but the sentiment was the same - lol!). I dont know if I would go to that extreme, even though they are a proper nuisance.
However if I had a gun I would SURELY shoot any okada man that crosses my path - they are the scum of the earth!!!!!
All this aggression towards okada men and recharge card sellers. Ladies, ladies, ladies (I think you all are ladies), please. I'm booking three nights for you all at this year's Kumbayah Retreat. LOL.
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