The Mrs Club

I recently read the book, The Mrs. Club http://www.themrsclub.com/ by Ekene Onu. It's an interesting book, and different in the sense that it's chick-lit by a Nigerian, and for a Nigerian audience. That's a first as far as I know, but I obviously stand to be corrected. Anyways, the book is about three Nigerian women living in Atlanta. They are in their early 30s and have been best friends since their college days. One of the women, Mina, is married while the other two, Titi and Amaka, are single and searching. The book chronicles their individual quests for marital happiness, even as it shows us how they each come to discover that true happiness is something to be found inside, and not outside of ourselves.

As I said, it made for interesting, and at times, hilarious reading. It also made me think of a hierarchical model I came up with a couple of years ago, not long after I moved back to Nigeria. I observed that in Nigeria women are ranked on the basis of their marital and/or motherhood status. At the top of the food chain is the married woman who has at least one child, preferably a boy. Right below her is the married woman who has no children - yet. Next is the widow with a child or children, again at least one of them better be a boy! After that is the divorcee with a child/children. Then the woman who never married but has a child/children. Then you have the single woman between the ages of 22 and 27. Then the single woman between the ages of 27 and 30. Then, you have garbage, rocks, dirt, poto-poto (i.e. mud) and if you dig underneath all that, you will find the woman who is over 30 but has no husband or children!!!!! LOLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

OK, I'm laughing but this hierarchical model is a fact o, not a myth. Whether people will admit to it or not doesn't matter - the ranking system exists. So you can imagine why some Nigerian women would do anything, and I mean anything, to claw their way to the next level. Sometimes, people around you will overtly encourage you to do "unspeakable" things to change your status. An older, female friend of mine (who is married, by the way) once told me to consider finding a man, married or otherwise, to get me pregnant so I could at least have a child since it appeared that marriage wasn't immediately forthcoming for me. I wasn't even 30 when she told me this o!!!! Needless to say, I was horrified!! But I was also deeply saddened because it was the first real indication I had that as a Nigerian woman, I apparently have no value apart from a husband and/or a child. This was an eye-opening revelation for me. Luckily, I have a sense of humor and eventually, I was able to see the funny side of all this, hence the chart... :-)

Suffice it to say, as a woman it ain't easy being over 30 & single in Nigeria. Still, there's hope at least according to Titi, Amaka & Mina of The Mrs. Club!!!!!