Of beggars and charlatans.....

If you live in Lagos, then you must have seen those people with grotesque deformities begging for alms on major roads and bridges. They are hard to miss because they typically have handlers who walk ahead of them with music (usually some jarring Christmas melody), megaphones and a huge, poster-sized photo of the stricken person. The entire spectacle is designed to get your attention, almost practically forcing you to look, no gawk, at this poor unfortunate soul with a tumour the size of a football sticking out of his neck, or his eye, or his arm or whatever. Evidently, their calculation is that once you are confronted - literally speaking - with the victim's plight, you will have no choice but to dig deep into your pockets and give to him or her, lest the gods of retribution decide to visit such an awful calamity upon you or yours. It is emotional mainpulation of the very worst kind and I HATE it!!!!!

This is not to suggest that I am unmoved by the sight of such blatant suffering; it grieves my heart everytime I see someone in pain. But my spirit recoils at such obvious attempts to manipulate me into parting with my money. I dont even know where these "handlers" get the sufferers from. Do they just lure them from local hospitals with the promise of food and some spare change at the end of the day? Because clearly, the money they are extorting is not going to go towards any kind of treatment or rehabilitation for the victim, who is far more profitable in sickness than in health. I find the whole charade highly offensive and I simply refuse to look at, let alone contribute my money, to such a twisted side-show. Thankfully, their irritating Christmas carols and mega-phones serve as an advance warning of the spectacle that is to come, so I usually have ample time to avert my eyes. If I am stuck in traffic, then I simply shut my eyes until I am sure that the circus has gone past. Why should anybody think that they have the right to offend my sensibilities so??? Sometimes, I feel like getting out of my car and flogging all those handlers, for taking advantage of someone else's misfortune and for attempting to turn me into an unwitting sponsor of such gore.

I guess this is all an indication of how low our country has sunk. Abject poverty is turning beggars into charlatans and charlatans into business men. I wonder how much lower we can go before the whole country implodes on itself. Heaven help us all...

And it was a happy birthday......

It was my birthday recently and against all the odds, I had a really wonderful day. Why "against all the odds", you may ask? Well because the truth is that I really wasn't excited about this birthday at all. In fact, I was dreading it. I couldn't think of any reason to get excited because to me it was going to be yet another birthday I would mark as a single person. This time last year, I was as single as ever, and as with every preceding birthday in recent memory, I prayed earnestly that by the next year I would be happily coupled and celebrating my birthday with my significant other. Birthdays have come, birthdays have gone but my status as a single girl/woman has obstinately refused to change. And at this stage, I am beginning to wonder if my prayers in this regard are just a futile exercise. Clearly, I am slightly disillusioned. No wonder then that I was in no mood to celebrate anything.

But as God would have it, I woke up on the morning of this birthday with a totally new perspective on things. All of a sudden, I could see how ungrateful and petulant I was being. God has been good to me - I am alive and well, I have friends & family who love me dearly, I have a nice home and a warm bed to sleep in every night, I have food to eat and clothes on my back, I have a job, a nice car.... the list is endless. How can I be anything but grateful to God? And from that moment, my attitude changed. I dropped on my knees and gave thanks to my heavenly Father for keeping me all these years. I didnt ask Him for anything, I just thanked Him. He has been too good to me & I have been nothing but a spoiled brat, throwing tantrums and sulking because I don't have all the things I want. There is a maxim I heard many years ago and for the most part it has guided and shaped my attitude to life: "when you are tempted to feel bad about all the things that you want that you don't have, spare a thought for all the things that you don't want that you don't have." Ruminate on that for a moment- trust me, it will totally transform your perspective. Suffice it to say that I may not be married yet and I may not have that dream job yet, but there are also a lot of things that I dont want that I dont have - I dont have AIDS, I dont have cancer, I dont have a cheating, lousy husband, I dont have a sick child or relative... Bottom line: the key to enjoying life is in the way you choose to perceive life. Ok, enough preaching. So I had a great birthday! My phone was hot from an endless stream of calls and text messages, my Facebook wall was creaking under the weight of so many wall-posts... lol! I just felt so, so loved... Two of my favourite cousins surprised me by showing up at my office and taking me to lunch at my favourite restaurant. I had not one, but two lovely cakes, and this was quite something considering that I had made no plans to order a cake and I wasnt expecting one from anywhere. After work, I had drinks with some of my dearest friends and family members.

When I finally got into bed that night, I was blissfully exhausted, and in awe of the outpouring of love especially from the least-expected sources. Some of the people that I had hoped or expected to be with me or at least call me on that day didn't come through (chief among them being Mr. Isho-giver, but then again I guess he must live up to his name - lol!!). I guess this is why I always try to keep my expectations low. It may be a cynical way to go through life but at least, I don't set myself up for unnecessary disappointments. And in those instances when people rise above my expectations, I am always pleasantly surprised. Although now that I think about it, there are some people who have somehow managed to fall far short of even my lowest expectations and they have succeeded in shocking the hell out of me!!!!!!!!

All said, it was a wonderful, wonderful day and I hope and pray that this is an indication of the kind of year I'm going to have. Let the journey begin!

In a melancholy mood...

I can't believe Heath Ledger is dead... Actually, I dont really understand why I'm so affected by his death because he wasnt one of those actors who was permanently on my radar. But I thought he was really cute and I was consistently impressed by the roles he chose - he seemed to be one of the rare actors who was motivated more by his craft than by fame or celebrity. I think the real reason I am so pained is because he clearly had so much potential and now the world will never know just how far this young man could have gone. What a tragedy...

Truthfully, I am in a rather melancholy mood today, and it's not just to do with Ledger's untimely passing. I was already in a sort of funk before I heard about his death so the news just intensified my blues. I'm not really sad though, just sort of... well, "melancholy" is the word that seems most apt. I was talking with one of my closest friends this morning. This friend of mine got married a few years ago and has what appears to be a really good marriage. Actually, let me rephrase that: I think by most standards, she does have quite a good marriage. But this morning, she was quite upset because as she put it, her emotional needs are not being met by her husband. I dont want to get into too much detail but the point is that she feels trapped and has no idea how to get her husband to understand how badly his aloofness is affecting her well-being. Now I'm usually good at counseling people but this time, I just couldnt think of a single comforting thing to say to my friend. I know her husband and I know that he is not the "lovey-dovey" type. Never has been, to the best of my knowledge. I also know the efforts she has made in the time they've been married to get him to appreciate her needs in this area. From all she's told me, he just doesnt seem to get it. So what to do now? As I said to her, there is no exit strategy so she just has to keep trying to communicate with him.

But all of this just got me thinking about life and how it just seems to be a series of battles from the day we are born to the day we breathe our last. You struggle to stay alive, struggle to grow up, go to school, get good grades, graduate, get a good job, etc. All the while, you have social struggles as well - in school you struggle for acceptance among your peers, at work you struggle for commendation from your bosses and colleagues. At home, you struggle for validation from your parents and family. Struggle to get married, struggle to stay married. Struggle to have kids and struggle to ensure those kids thrive. Struggle, struggle, struggle. Now I'm not saying that this is all there is to life. Of course, there are a lot of times when you're just coasting and everything seems to be all good. Still, life is hard and there's no getting around that fact. Which leads me to conclude that there's got to be more to this life than we can see. Because if after all this struggling nothing remains but nothingness, then the human condition is far more pitiable than that of the cockroach...

Of issues & non-issues.....

I'm pleased to report that my weekend wasnt so bad after all. The first good thing that happened was that Mr. Isho-giver (by way of explanation: "isho" is the Yoruba word for nail so in my dictionary, an Isho-giver is someone who drives nails into other people or someone who puts a serious dent in another person's self-esteem, you get the picture) called me almost as soon as I put up Friday's post (if I didnt know better, I would swear that he'd somehow found my blog and read that post, but that cant be so we'll just chalk it up to a weird co-incidence). I realize I'm being a bit long-winded today - my apologies :-) So back to the subject at hand... he called and even though I knew he would call eventually, it still took me by surprise when I saw his number on my caller ID. He tried to make some small talk but I was rather aloof so he just launched into this explanation about why he had to turn down my date. I will spare you the details. Suffice it to say that we ironed things out somewhat. I am still a bit miffed at him, but whatever. I can tell that he's going to be in my life for a while to come. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing remains to be seen...

So what else did I get up to this weekend? Oh, on Saturday I got a hair cut. For those who know me, this is a pretty huge deal because my hair was rather long (by Nigerian standards, I guess). But I decided I wanted a change & I absolutely LOVE the cut! My friends & relatives are still in mourning but me I'm reveling in my new look. I dont even know why Nigerians place such a value on long hair in women. It's only hair, for crying out loud!! People say I only have that attitude because I have naturally long hair and if I struggled to grow it like most then I would appreciate it more. Puh-lease!! Hair is one of those things that you dont have to worry about - if it ain't growing & you want it that badly, then go buy you some! Easy-peasy, problem solved!! But if you're height-challenged (like I am, ahem!!) then you have real issues because as far as I know, there is no market where one can go to buy inches to add to their height. All the high-heels in the world cannot change the fact that I am short! I just end up looking like a short woman on stilts, with achy feet to compound it all! I beg, give me height over hair any day! So that's my rant of the day. I am enjoying my new, shorter hair and the confidence I have in my new look has added a nice spring to my step (see now, that's what I call a two-for-one! LOLLL)

It's going to be a good week o - I can just feel it in my bones!

Friday blues....

So today is Friday, and here I am without any concrete weekend plans. It's tough to be a 30-something single female whose closest friends are, for the most part, married and/or living abroad. Generally speaking, my evenings and weekends are filled with nothingness and inactivity. I'd actually thought that this weekend would be different because there's a certain guy who has kinda been hovering around my atmosphere and showing what seemed like more than a passing interest in me. We hung out last weekend and had a blast (or so I thought!) so a few days ago, I decided to take the bull by the horns and do something I rarely ever do - I decided to ask him out. As I said, this for me, is the path less taken. I dont have the "liver" to be that direct with guys - I just cant take the risk of rejection. But this time I thought, "what the heck?!" In any case, it was what I would call a calculated risk, in the sense that from everything I could see, the guy was clearly interested in me. So why would he turn me down? But what do you know - his response came back: a resounding NO! Or more accurately, an unambiguous, "I'm busy this weekend" with no suggestion of an alternative date or arrangement. Rejection doesnt come any plainer than this. And it hurt. Like a motherf....r. I had taken the road less traveled and ended up in a ditch for all my efforts. His rejection was even more painful because he gave no explanations and offered no platitudes. It was as though he didnt even think I was worth the effort it would require to be diplomatic. Shaquille O' Neal stomping on my chest couldnt have hurt more. Wow. For the first time in years, I cried myself to sleep.

But I woke up the next morning, determined to put the entire episode (and him) behind me. As is characteristic of my personality, I decided to just get it together and move on. I will not be taking stupid risks like that again but life must continue. So here I am, on Friday with nothing to do. Life has to get better than this. It just has to!

Finally.....

So I've finally decided to start blogging. There have been a couple of false starts in the past but this time, I will go through with it. I wonder why it's taken me this long to get started. Anyone who knows me would have expected that I would have been among the first wave of ardent bloggers not just because I love to write but also because I maintained a very active website at one point in my life. But no matter, I'm on it now and there's no looking back!

So who am I? Well, first off, this is an anonymous blog so I won't be revealing any personally identifying details here. Having said that here's a bit about my background: I'm a young woman, in my early 30s, single, no kids... I was born and raised in Lagos, Nigeria but left after secondary (high) school to continue my higher education in the United States. I lived in the States and in the UK for a total of 10 years before finally moving back home. I am now working in the media industry, in a job that appears to be very glitzy and glamorous but is actually quite shitty in real terms...

Now that you know who I am (somewhat) the obvious question would be: what am I doing in "blogsville"? Well as I said earlier, I love to write so it makes sense that blogging would be a natural fit for me. But more than that, I sense that I am at a crucial point in my life. A lot has been happening of late, and there are a lot of important decisions that I am about to take and I just want to document this period for posterity. Writing helps me view the facts objectively and also gives me a reference point for my experiences. Basically, this blog is a documentary of sorts - lets just hope it doesn't bore you poor readers to death!